Betty Explains “Prayer” to Everyone Else

21st June 2008

Betty Explains “Prayer” to Everyone Else

posted in Deven Green, Dicks named Cheney, Jesus, Laura "Pickles" Bush, Methodists & Mary Worshippers, Mexicans and other people who talk funny, Money (and other things Bush puts down the drain), crack whores, foreign trash, freedom, gasing up your Bentley, hypocrites, my superior values, offending foreigners, orientals, other people's sins, pesky sick, poor people, show biz trash, vicious gossip out of Christian concern, video, war and other things Jesus wants, wombs and other moist lady parts |

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This entry was posted on Saturday, June 21st, 2008 at 8:57 am and is filed under Deven Green, Dicks named Cheney, Jesus, Laura "Pickles" Bush, Methodists & Mary Worshippers, Mexicans and other people who talk funny, Money (and other things Bush puts down the drain), crack whores, foreign trash, freedom, gasing up your Bentley, hypocrites, my superior values, offending foreigners, orientals, other people's sins, pesky sick, poor people, show biz trash, vicious gossip out of Christian concern, video, war and other things Jesus wants, wombs and other moist lady parts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

There are currently 37 responses to “Betty Explains “Prayer” to Everyone Else”

Why not let Betty & Jesus know what you think by adding your own comment? Your opinion is as valid as anyone else not called "Mrs. Betty Bowers", so come on... it's not as if stupidity ever stopped anyone on the Internet from using their keyboard, dear.

1 On June 21st, 2008, Corgihound said:
Brava, Mrs. Betty Bowers! Absolutely marvelous and well done! (Oh, and TRUE also….!)

Corgihound will not even attempt to write his usual sophomoric reply but, instead, will be most content to remain silent and bask in your creative splendor! Many Thanks!!!!

A Righteous Reply by America’s Best Christian:

Thank you, dear!

posted on June 21st, 2008 at 2:37 pm
2 On June 22nd, 2008, Girlgoneriled said:
Brilliant!

Mrs. Bowers is looking (and sounding) particularly wonderful. How gracious of her to share her spiritual insight with her adoring public.

posted on June 22nd, 2008 at 3:51 am
3 On June 22nd, 2008, Lexiedogmom said:
It’s clear as a bell to me that wealthy people are simply better Christians. I try to avoid the others.

posted on June 22nd, 2008 at 9:14 am
4 On June 22nd, 2008, Sleazeweazel said:
Bounteous Betty:

Let’s not forget, Christ’s bounty is not just about “things”, there are sooo many other gifts too!

For some time now I’ve been praying for a special gift. Just last night I finally convinced a nice Christian woman to come to my home for some hands on healing. Soon she was shouting an incantation to the almighty but was hesitant to commit the sin of adultry so she assumed a prayerful positions and presented her posterior. I was so touched by her submission that I gladly annointed her with the holy chrism.

My prayers had been answered!

posted on June 22nd, 2008 at 10:57 am
5 On June 23rd, 2008, Al said:
I have a question for Ms. Bowers. But first, the obligatory accolades… I love the satire pointing out the foolishness of mythological belief and have followed your work for years.

I happen to be an atheist and a free-market fiscal conservative. The market is the fairest and most moral means of making sure that the people achieve whatever they want in life. However, it seems that many non-believers fall into a more socialistic ideal of the market. So, here’s my question… given that Obama is as much a religious ideologue as the other candidates, why do non-believers (including you) support him? I mean, why not take him to task like you have Bush and McCain (who you call old which seems to be an infantile way to attack someone)? I’m no McCain fan but Obama is no better. He’s not something new. He’s the same old, same old in a different package.

Since we take a scientific approach to whether or not god(s) exist, shouldn’t we also take one in politics? Michael Shermer has a new book (also a non-believer) which actually does look at the economic side of the question in a scientific manner. It’s called “The Mind of The Market”. I highly recommend that all my fellow non-believers look at it and decide if we should pick political candidates and support them solely because they are of some label we like. I believe that Obama is as bad as McCain but for different reasons and that the election of either of these two people will yield the same result.

Religious people get into a mind-set that does not allow them to question. Political ideologues do the same thing, simply picking a politician from some party because they belong to it and refusing to look at evidence that runs counter to their conclusions. Let’s be scientific about it all. That way, we don’t become religious about our politics but rather subjective and consistent in how we make decisions about who we support and why.

posted on June 23rd, 2008 at 1:29 pm
6 On June 23rd, 2008, Miguel Dominguez said:
Dear Betty:

How come you’re not doing a show on cable TV?

I think you’d be the perfect follow up for the Colbert Report or the Daily Show or even the Bill Mahr Show.

posted on June 23rd, 2008 at 4:11 pm
7 On June 23rd, 2008, Fama Keen said:
Well, maybe I’ve been asking for the wrong color of Birkin bag… I wonder which one is easier for Jesus to get ahold of?
Love the video, though I may have to watch it a few more times to catch everything on it. Very Fox Newsesque.

posted on June 23rd, 2008 at 6:41 pm
8 On June 23rd, 2008, Eric Parish said:
Dear Betty,
Once again I find myself prostrate to your soft supplication for us sinners to remain firm and hard in our righteousness. I am awaiting the coming of the Lord.
Eric

posted on June 23rd, 2008 at 7:46 pm
9 On June 23rd, 2008, Jim Dodd said:
Betty I love you. Keep it up. Jim

posted on June 23rd, 2008 at 10:12 pm
10 On June 24th, 2008, Carl Young 3rd said:
I couldn’t hope to EVER find more truth than Betty puts forth. But then again, maybe I could PRAY for truth…wrapped in a classic Porsche or Ferrari, perhaps…

posted on June 24th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
11 On June 25th, 2008, Sammie said:
Dear Miss Betty,

Is Anne Coulter really a transsexual? Is it a sin to ask that?

Love you more than my luggage,
Sammie

posted on June 25th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
12 On June 25th, 2008, Mike said:
Hi Betty, My first prayer that has been answered… a new installment of your divine inspiration! Now I think I’ll pray for that Mercedes! Praise Jesus! And Bless you Betty!

posted on June 25th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
13 On June 25th, 2008, jackie said:
dr pepper spewed out of my nose…made my day..

posted on June 25th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
14 On June 26th, 2008, Giovanna said:
Betty, I love you! You are hilarious! When will you have a show?!?! It’s time!!!

posted on June 26th, 2008 at 8:43 am
15 On June 26th, 2008, Auntie Claire's Hand said:
St. Timothy Russert preserve us! How could you say such things about Catholics with him barely cold in his sainted grave! I’m sure Miss Noonan would be shocked and saddened by your insinuations regarding her sobriety and chastity. Just because she sounds crazy and drunk doesn’t necessarily mean she is. I would say several Rosaries on your behalf, Mrs. Bowers, if I could remember how to say one.

posted on June 26th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
16 On June 26th, 2008, Glennineh said:
I just HAD to get up from my knees… I was praying … um that’s right… and thank our favorite, and best, Christian, Mrs. Betty Bowers, for this amazing primer on the power and, indeed, reason, for prayer. I’ve been a consumer of prayer for years. Lordy, I need to hold a yard sale every July just to get rid of the excess gifts that are bestowed upon me! Oh, and Betty I think I got your green Prada bag. Sorry girl!!

posted on June 26th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
17 On June 26th, 2008, JoJerome said:
If only a message as eloquent as this could really penetrate the thick-as-concrete minds that so desperately need it.

Betty Bowers – you remain my hero!

posted on June 26th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
18 On June 27th, 2008, Stef said:
Dearest Betty,

Thank you for explaining how the universe works. It has confused me in the past. Now, I just refer to your Good Works for edification when I do not understand life. You make it simple and clarity is a good thing!

Stef

posted on June 27th, 2008 at 10:13 am
19 On June 27th, 2008, B. Smith said:
I can’t pray anymore because I’m old and my knees don’t work. Somehow I manage to get what I want,though, so I believe I am the recipient of a miracle. Some people call it Social Security, but I call it God’s Direct Deposit Program. With it, I can buy soup and cat food and contribute the rest to left wing political organizations. So thanks for your clarifications, Betty, and don’t think for a minute that old age is the hell everyone says it is. That comes much later.

posted on June 27th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
20 On June 27th, 2008, Gae Mike said:
Betty speaketh the truth!

posted on June 27th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
21 On June 27th, 2008, gordon perry said:
Dearest Betty – you truly are the world’s best Christian. God and I love you. Jesus said, “blessed are the poor” and lived among the lowly – yet, as you have so poignantly shown, he gives to the rich. Bush and Jesus have both said – we will ignore the 45 million “working poor” and shower trillion-dollar tax giveaways on the wealthy, which will, of course, cause record deficits. God love you, sweetheart

posted on June 27th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
22 On June 27th, 2008, Miles said:
I get other people to pray for me. It gets them points into a nonexistent heaven and I get the earthly benefits. It’s very similar to being a king reigning over the misguided, uneducated masses.

posted on June 27th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
23 On June 29th, 2008, Kurt said:
Excellent! I know understand what I was doing wrong all this time – Thank You!

For Al:

I am also an atheist and have also read “The Mind of The Market” and found it fascinating! However, I think Mr. Shermer may be a bit off in his analysis. Particularly when one considers that the so-called Free Market doesn’t (or ever has) really existed – much like our benevolent God-dude!

So,no need to ‘take Obama to task’, as you have pointed out, he is just a lowly mammal like all the rest of us – at least his ideas aren’t based on Gilded Age ideology!

Servus!

posted on June 29th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
24 On July 1st, 2008, Paulbe said:
The finest piece of humour (perhaps one of the only pieces of humour) to ever emerge from the USA. Thank you Betty. This link is being sent to everyone I argue with.

posted on July 1st, 2008 at 1:03 am
25 On July 2nd, 2008, Yamminy said:
People pray for junk? I didn’t realize that… that makes me sad.

A Righteous Response from America’s Best Christian:

You are clearly unfamiliar with the uniquely American twist on the faith called “Prosperity” Christianity. Slick (and wildly rich) carnie barkers like Kenneth Copeland and his African American protégée (and recipient of his private jet hand-me-downs) Creflo Dollar(s) have made careers out of turning a man who pointedly eschewed materialism into faith obsessed with getting a new Lexus.

posted on July 2nd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
26 On July 8th, 2008, David Melnick said:
Thanx Betty for telling it like it is. Just like Robert Green Ingersoll & Thomas Paine. . You know just where & when to push the buttons.

posted on July 8th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
27 On July 25th, 2008, Al said:
For Kurt:

Thanks for the reply, Kurt. I agree. Free markets don’t exist because the government keeps sticking their nose into them. You mention that Obama’s policies are guided by secular and non-mythological ideals. However, here is his written prayer as reported by the AP on 25 July 2008 after he left it on the Western Wall:

“Lord — Protect my family and me,” reads the note published in the Maariv daily. “Forgive me my sins, and help me guard against pride and despair. Give me the wisdom to do what is right and just. And make me an instrument of your will.”

Sounds like Obama is guided by the same invisible friend that Bush is guided by… Hence, whether we get Obama or we get McCain, we get dumb either way. We’re back to choosing between a shit sandwich and a douche bag.

Cheers,
Al

posted on July 25th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
28 On July 26th, 2008, Wes said:
I love you. You make me sin in my heart.

posted on July 26th, 2008 at 12:12 am
29 On July 26th, 2008, Lara said:
“put your hands together to show off a manicure”

Wow, that seems pretty vain. And on top of that I took notice your banner, having angels hold a mirror and perfume bottle.

Ma’am I think you’re self righteousness is turning you vain.

Enjoy that.

posted on July 26th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
30 On August 4th, 2008, Yephua said:
Praise the Lord!Jesus told us,”To he who has much even more will be given to him,and to he who has little,even that will be taken from him”!Halelujah!!Not that I need some poor persons wooden bowl,but I guess I could use it for my spare gold,silver and precious gems,which are Hell on the vacuum cleaner….He really thinks of everything!

posted on August 4th, 2008 at 9:24 am
31 On August 10th, 2008, Mark said:
dear Betty, since you are a member of Landover baptist, and paster deacon Fred has all the power there. Is it within his authority to command you to ‘service’ him in the name of Jesus?

posted on August 10th, 2008 at 7:23 am
32 On August 30th, 2008, Michael John Paul Wilhelm said:
Dear Betty, Have so many prayers. Just does seem there is no end to all the praying. Have the impression that The Lord Jesus must have about a universe size migraine with all the prayers. Maybe we need to try to do somethings for ourselves and give The Lord some time for Himself. After all in the BIG vision it is FAITH that saves us and we have eternity to be asking all these questions about shopping and sinning and things like that. Bless us all and especially you Betty.

posted on August 30th, 2008 at 4:11 am
33 On September 9th, 2008, Schlampe631 said:
i pray that i can find all of the gems througout this website before i die!
i get stuck repeating videos of betty’s eloquence and grace.
oh, and to the a-hole who sees no difference between McPain and Obama, get glasses. the homophobes will win only if we sit back and do nothing!
i am NOT praying for Obama, i will vote for him and ask others of good will to do the same.

posted on September 9th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
34 On November 5th, 2008, Evgenia said:
pravelno written:)

posted on November 5th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
35 On July 15th, 2009, romonoeroetoko said:
Your news is a cool stuff man, keep it going.

posted on July 15th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
36 On July 31st, 2009, amenodimeno said:
That’s good man, keep it going.

posted on July 31st, 2009 at 12:46 pm
37 On September 19th, 2009, adamoerikom said:
Stunning blog and good article. High 5 for u man !

posted on September 19th, 2009 at 4:19 pm