Betty and Jesus have just recorded their first music video — “You’re Going Straight to Hell!” This splendid song was written almost as much as a clarion call to those about to make a much-deserved descent as it was to provide a fabulous occasion to gloat.
There are currently 41 responses to “MUSIC VIDEO: You’re Going Straight to Hell!”
Why not let Betty & Jesus know what you think by adding your own comment? Your opinion is as valid as anyone else not called "Mrs. Betty Bowers", so come on... it's not as if stupidity ever stopped anyone on the Internet from using their keyboard, dear.
Betty, darling! It has been a long time, I never get to chat with you since Brother Hardwick closed his bible study board. I DO miss those interchanges. Now I am stuck dealing with that awful Glenda Yenta (don’t tell her I said that). Lovely video Betty, and you are looking tres chic in your vintage Chanel suit… very Jackie Kennedy.
posted on January 19th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
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On January 19th, 2008, Auntie Claire's Hand said:
You’ve certainly scared me straight, Betty. If Ann Coulter and “Top-Cult-er” Cruise are going to be there, I don’t want to go anywhere near it. That spinning and laughing head of his is going to give me nightmares.
Inspiring as always, Mrs. Bowers! By the way, are you also planning a Huckabee campaign video? It would be great to further publicize his idea of changing the Constitution to conform to the Bible.
A righteous response from America’s Best Christian:
I had been asked by Mike to help put together a campaign video that showcased his family back in Arkansas. However, after spending a rather long weekend with the Huckabee clan, I left splattered with Kraft barbeque sauce and thinking it is probably wiser if we limit our message to radio. Some children should be heard and not seen.
and for Christ sake watch out for Pickles carreening all over the “road paved with good intentions” whoooooaaaaa! lookout Pickles, somebody could get hurt!
posted on January 19th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
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On January 19th, 2008, Cowering Nonchristian said:
LMJFCAO! You bring some much needed humor to embattle these christian cults. Thank you!
posted on January 19th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
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On January 19th, 2008, Former Secretary of Televangelist said:
Is there sheet music available so that I can teach it to my church choir in time for the Easter Cantata?
A Righteous Response from America’s Best Christian:
No there isn’t, dear. You see, the Lord Jesus can’t read music, which, no doubt, explains rather a lot about His piano playing.
Betty, You are not only America’s BEST Christian, but it’s cutest as well! Is it a sin to have a crush on you?? You and Hell have one thing in common – you’re both super hot!
Betty has done it again…my heavenly spirits have risen from the dead and I am blessed for eternity. The message is oh so on target for us
sinners. I do agree about JC’s riffs on the piano. Perhaps he should ask for Divine Intervention from The Father to improve his arpeggios.
I share with Betty the need to carry the message to all Sodomites and Hitites(whoever the hell they are) that Ann Coulter will be their roommate in HELL! However, what happened to the old Betty in the logo? Just wondering. Was there an immaculate transformation?
A righteous response from America’s Best Christian:
Hardly immaculate, dear. Not with all the bruising! Indeed, it was a full four weeks of prayer before the bandages could be removed and my guests were treated to a rather lovely unveiling.
Mrs. Bowers, congratulations on a new hit single for superior Christians everywhere!
Let me say that the idea of having to gaze upon Dick Cheney’s man-boobs for all eternity scared me straight for life! Blessings to you for being willing to touch his flaccid flesh.
P.S. Will Mitt Romney go straight to hell, too? I mean, anyone who believes that Jesus appeared live and in person at a Denny’s in the western U.S. must be punished with eternal hellfire. Or am I confusing Mormons with those crazy folks in Roswell?
I don’t want to go to hell Mrs Betty Bowers, so please tell me what I must do to save myself, please?
A Righteous Response from America’s Best Christian:
Well, the only sure way to guarantee that you will be joining me in the Ten Sins or Less Express Line on Judgment Day would be to emulate me in every respect, dear.
But since you are unlikely to be able to pull off some of my more edgy outfits (particularly the Zac Posen), you may have to resign yourself to being at the mercy of the vicissitudes of a rather mercurial Lord’s mercy.
Your new music video has renewed my faith in, well, just everything – it’s that powerful. May I suggest that your next logical step would be to record an album? Surely there are gospel standards and hymns which scream out for a proper Betty Bower-izing update.
Smiling And Pouring Celebratory Drinks
LCM
A Righteous Response from America’s Best Christian:
As an American Christian, I am called on by the Lord Jesus to always be on the lookout for new ways to wring a few more dollars out of His holy name. As such, I appreciate your suggestion, dear.
posted on January 20th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
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On January 21st, 2008, Sally the Werewolf said:
Betty, I want to go to hell SO BAD if it means I can put clothespins on Cheney! Can I be a Tormenter? PLEEEASE??? We could have such fun!… Lock the present administration in a room and make them listen to “Sesons in the Sun” until they get worms…Make Bob Dylan and the Rolling Stones watch “WGN Polka Hour” for all eternity, with their eyes held open like in “Clockwork Orange”… put Barbra Streisand in a room full of Mike Tyson’s unwashed socks…You SEE how good I’d be, Betty? But how does one apply for such a job? Is there a form to fill out?
A Righteous Response from America’s Best Christian:
Now, don’t be greedy, dear. The Lord’s appetite for vengeance is rather enormous; there will be a enough fun for the saved to go around!
Hey Betty, We love your work! As Grammy and Emmy award winning producers you need a little help in the music production department so let us know if we can ever help! But Keep up your amazing ministry!
My fellow prunes here at Mossy Oaks Maximum Security Christian Retirement Center loved your new video! Most of them feel they are already in hell, so going to the real deal would be a step up.
Do you suppose there is only one hell for everyone, or individually tailored hells?
I imagine for Ann Coulter it will be sitting in a no-smoking room for eternity with a carton of Marlboros, a picture of Brad Pitt nude, and various other things she’s not allowed to suck on.
We put new rubber tips on our walkers here at Mossy Oaks and rehearsed our group dance number to your new video. Unfortunately, a few didn’t make it through rehearsal and probably went straight to hell. But they were smiling on the way out, thanks to you!
Bett you are a gas gas gas as Mick miked says.
In fact you have so much gas when you spontaneously combusted you lit the flames of hell for an eternity and now look at Barbara Streisand, she’s in serious need of a divine makeover. Are you up to that task oh ageless wonder?
Dear Mrs Bowers: Once again, you bring me to my knees…although I’ve been told that I do some of my best work on them, please, Betty, please – your adoring fans want MORE!
Betty, my dear: I understand that going to hell involves handbaskets, so I just wanted to remind everyone to make sure your shoes match your handbasket. I mean, just in case we don’t make it to heaven. You never know.
Regina dear, how gracious of you to get past your petty jealousy of Betty’s successes and to write such a lovely post. The way that you were carrying on at the Tri-County Country Club Huckabee Fundraiser Brunch about how you deserved to be recognized for once in your unremarkable life (it was truly embarrassing for everyone present) I am proud that you hid your true feelings. Betty dear, you are fabulous as usual.
Oh Betty, How wonderfull that song made me feel. You know, I was there when when they put Jesus on the cross, I was the guy in the short robe way in the back, yelling “better get his feet, he`s gonna kick”
You have touched my heart! You’re our blessed shepherd, and we are your humble sheep! Mrs. Bowers, I hope one day your music is played in Abortion Clinics, Gay Clubs, the White House, etc. Our Lord is ever watchful, and with your heavenly voice we will stop the sinners!
Thank you so much for saving my previous damned soul. As a regular attendee of your Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals (BASH) ministry I am delighted that I have seen the light and can confirm I am now a fully fledged, 100% red-blooded heterosexual with fabulous fashion sense. Just ask my wife Laura-Jenna-May who’s hair and make up I regularly make over. I also love the all male weekend getaways where I can reconnect with my masculinity and those of my fellow congregation going brothers (many of whom are HOT – in a completely non-sexual, platonic, praise the Lord kind of way) .
P.S. Fire the pianist, he just doesn’t do your angelic voice justice, Darling! mmmkkkkkkk
A Righteous Response from America’s Best Christian:
I’m so pleased you are not jeopardizing our Ex-Gay industry-pacesetting-standard of almost 2-in- 1,000 ostensive conversations, dear.
The Lord is almost as pleased by your progress as He is peeved by your recalcitrance in paying your BASH dues, dear. You are precisely 31 days behind on the $300 “lapsing surcharge” that was applied to your account for reasons I am sure you would not wish either Jesus or I to go public with, dear. As such, in accordance with the terms of Codicil VII to your Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals contract (governed by the laws of the place my ministry has its bank accounts, i.e., the Cayman Islands), Jesus and I are giving you three (3) days to vacate your condominium. It was pleasure doing business with you! Please feel free to lapse again!
posted on February 18th, 2008 at 9:48 am
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On March 24th, 2008, FirstBaptistOrganist said:
Dearest Betty,
Your music video, though it has a wonderful message to spread, shows a shocking lack of musical quality! However, after much contemplation, I realized that Betty would not do something badly purposefully. Surely your intent was to show an example of how music will sound in hell! If going to hell means I have to watch this eye poison, or risk insulting my cultured ears with that haunting melody, I am very, very thankful that I am on the side of the good! How great he art! Perhaps on a later date, you can make a tasteful and elegant music video on how wonderful heaven will be for those of us who are lucky enough to be Southern Baptist. The video could serve a dual purpose, to also show non-Southern Baptists what they are missing. I am sure there are plenty of people in your “BASH” ministry with many graceful ideas to help you along!
Yours in Christ
JW
[...] to ask, you are probably already under its pernicious influence and blithely hop-scotching your way straight to Hell. Nevertheless, the details of The Homosexual Agenda have — up until this day — been [...]
I find it repulsive to see how you bash the christians. I’m from the Netherlands, so I don’t know the cultural and historical origins of this videoclip.
Is this website aimed at the fundamentalists or at all christians? Cause What is wrong with believing in something when that doesn’t mean you tell others how to behave and try to be the best you can.
Oh she who casts the first stone all the time: Just retired after 38 years with the AP. You kept it sane. But no word from you in some time. Do I now have to divert my widow’s mite from the poorbox to your books? I will, of course, but didn’t want to think that that –uh–incident a few months back knocked me off your list.
Oh she who casts the first stone all the time: Just retired after 38 years with the AP. You kept it sane. But no word from you in some time. Do I now have to divert my widow’s mite from the poorbox to your books? I will, of course, but didn’t want to think that that –uh–incident a few months back knocked me off your list. Betty,
The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
posted on November 23rd, 2009 at 6:58 am
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On March 25th, 2010, the kid who thinks your fucking crazy!!!!!!! said:
That Was A Bullsiht Video And I Do’t Care If You Are World’s Best Christian, I Wouldn’t Care If You Were The Goddamn President O f the U nited States I Think Your A Fucking Bitch!!!!!!!!!
posted on March 25th, 2010 at 2:13 pm
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On April 17th, 2010, Proud Lesbian and Christian said:
“Ignorance is the only evil” (Socrates). If you don’t know anything about what it’s like to be in our shoes and be constantly harassed and pushed from society because of our sexual preference, then don’t speak as if you know. We are human beings like anyone else in our beautiful nation, and we have feelings too. There is nothing wrong being a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender person. All we are doing is asserting our given freedoms stated in the Declaration of Independence. You know… the one saying all humans have certain unalienable rights such as Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness? We as people and proud citizens of our nation are only asserting our freedom to pursue happiness. If we are happy being with someone of our own gender, so be it. It is none of yours or anyone elses concern.
If you want to look at our situation from a religious stand point, then yeah I know that the bible looks down on homosexual relationships. If you look at it like I do though… God loves all his children, both male and female. In a way God is bisexual. Think and try to wrap your mind around that.
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