Are you a Saved, Born-Again Christian?
(If your answer is "no" then consider yourself righteously rebuked. Now, leave this Godly website tout de suite.)
Before you pat yourself on the back, ask yourself:
How many times have you been born-again?
Was the answer a paltry "once"? Some Fundamentalist Christians, far less devout than Mrs. Betty Bowers, have only been born-again once. While it is certainly admirable that these people, so otherwise halfhearted in their facsimile of faith, took the time out of their day to be born a second time, such a lackadaisical embrace of faith no longer qualifies one for entry by Heaven's burly doorman!
Announcing Heaven's New, More Discerning Discretionary Door Policy!

Have you been born enough times to get past Heaven's new red velvet rope?

Probably Not
Mrs. Bowers is ready for that knowing nod from the doorman that will signal that she will be whisked past the less-born-again crowd, directly into Heaven's VIP Lounge for complimentary refreshments! Raising the bar once again, Mrs. Betty Bowers has been born so many times she has had to ask 12 scientists at MIT to keep track of her spiritual rebirths!
"If I had a shiny nickel for every time I've been born-again . . .well, all I can say is that I'd at least have one more Bentley in my main garage! Praise!"

-- Mrs. Betty Bowers

Mrs. Bowers' Exclusive MIT designed meter to keep track of: Washed in the Blood of the Lamb Rinse Cycles
See how you compare to Betty Bowers when it comes to being born-again.

Mrs. Betty Bowers:

Can you guess which one of you is going to Heaven and which one of you is going straight to Hell?

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