By Hating and Neglecting Her Mother, Has Laura Schlessinger Finally Become a True Christian?
Maybe next time Dr. Laura Schlessinger wishes to regale her listeners with a heart-warming story of responsibility, she will think of her mother, if only for the novelty. As most of you know, Dr. Laura's 77-year-old mother was found on the floor of her condo after quietly decomposing into her carpeting for several months, not far from her famous daughter's radio studio.

What would lead such a noted Republican spokesperson for family values and moral accountability to allow her only mother to leave this world as a compost heap? Now, don't get me wrong: my surprise, like my youth, is all an illusion for the benefit of others. I not only expect shocking conduct from the unsaved, I abet it, as it only serves to make us Baptists appear even more holy to God in comparison.

For those of you who wisely shield yourselves from the unpleasant realities of the vile world we must inhabit until Glory, Dr. Laura has shamelessly advertised herself as an unsaved Jewess! But Jews, as opposed to amusingly gullible, self-centered Scientologists, are not completely bereft of values. (Of course, their admirable qualities in this regard will be of small consolation when the Lord Jesus flings them into Hell for not flattering Him enough!)

I looked at Dr. Laura's many books to gain insight in to what peculiar type of values would lead her to treat her mother in such a shoddy manner. To be honest, Dr. Laura's book "The 10 Commandments: The Significance of God's Laws in Everyday Life" was more hindrance than help to my understanding, as she was wont to wag her bony, ruby-encrusted finger at her followers about the moral responsibility commanded by God to look after their parents.

"God's commandment of honoring parents is basically the message that parents are a conduit of God. Any profanity or harm to the parent is as if we've profaned God."

"The commandment to honor parents was given to ensure that the elderly, although they may not feel wanted by family or society, are still given their appropriate reward."

"We honor parents today by making sure they are taken care of when they can no longer care for themselves."

"We honor parents by keeping them connected to family."

SOURCE: Dr. Laura Schlessinger "The 10 Commandments: The Significance of God's Laws in Everyday Life."

Clearly, in the four years since publication of this book, Mrs. Schlessinger determined that God's annoying commandment to honor her mother was simply too onerous to be bothered with! Well, as a True Christian™, I can hardly fault her for ignoring the Lord's rather exasperating litany of demands in the Old Testament. After all, you won't find many Baptists keeping kosher, sacrificing animals or stoning children (no matter how tempted we might be to engage in the latter).

Some less charitable Christians have concluded that Mrs. Schlessinger is simply a hypocrite. Hardly a novel or particularly insightful observation. Nevertheless, this accusation seemed well-aimed once Mrs. Schlessinger used the horrific murder and neglect of her mother as an opportunity to publicly lament over what a vile woman her mother had been, unseemly gloat about what a fabulous mother Laura is, and issue the chillingly cold observation that her mother had "died as she chose to live, alone and isolated." Charming!

"There are no longer individuals, just victims in groups. One such popular trend is 'Adult Child of Some Sort of Parent or Situation.'...Humans are social animals, therefore we all rely on the kindness of kin for survival to some extent."

SOURCE: Dr. Laura Schlessinger, "How Could You Do That? The Abdication of Courage, Character, and Conscience"

Yes, some might claim we are dealing with not only a hypocrite, but also someone without any warmth, integrity or decency. Naturally, as America's Best Christian, I tend to be far more benevolent in my assessments (unless you happen to be coloring my hair). This is what led me to only explanation for her callous disregard of her mother that makes sense – Laura Schlessinger has become a Christian!

Whereas the God of the Old Testament was rather fond of doting on parents (perhaps because He was one), Jesus would have none of that mushy pandering to family (perhaps because, unlike His Father, He had sat through countless family holiday squabbles at dinner). Just like Dr. Laura, Jesus had no time for His pesky mother. When Mary approached Jesus in hopes of securing more booze at a party, Jesus snapped at her: "Woman, what have I to do with thee?" John 2:4 At this point, I think all of us can hear Laura screech a similar rebuke into her phone after asking herself, "What Would Jesus Do?" Similarly, Dr. Laura must have turned to the Lord Jesus for tips on what to do about arranging a suitable burial for a deceased relative: "Let the dead bury the dead!" snapped a saucy Jesus. Matthew 8:22

Now that I understand her motivation, I don't condemn, but rather applaud Dr. Laura for so scrupulously embracing the teachings of Jesus Christ.

And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.

Matthew 10:21

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

Luke 14:26 (KJV)

For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

Matthew 10:34

Sister Laura, I welcome you into the fold and look forward to seeing you in Glory (where neither of us will be inconvenienced by our mothers if Heaven is to live up to its name)!
..: Show your support for Dr. Laura's version of Republican Family Values

"I am my kid's Mom -- But I'm not my f--king Mom's Kid!"

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