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Dear True Christian and Real American: Verily I say onto thee: These are dangerous times. This week, something more pernicious then anthrax is making its noxious way from the prairies to the oceans white with foam. I am, of course, referring to Harry Potter. Indeed, "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" is such ingenious marketing for witchcraft, it has Jesus scrambling to hire a new ad agency! |
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Faced with a satanic onslaught, you can always count on me to protect you from things you might have enjoyed had I not been proactive enough to prohibit you from seeing. To help you resist the corrosive influence of beguiling pop culture, I have reviewed "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" for you - to spare you the risk of being sucked into the vortex of Satan's salesmanship. In truth, I didn't risk seeing the film either. I make it a point of pride *never* to view the movies I review. After all, if I went to see such trash on studio junkets, I would be no better than the people I condemn for paying to watch it! You can read by nonetheless percipient review here. |
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People across America are wildly applauding a woman who has wrung millions of dollars out of far-fetched stories involving wildly inventive and implausible superstitions. And, truly, I thank all of you for these kind words regarding my lucrative "You, Too, Can Have A Time-Share In a Whale!" real estate program. But there is a far less stylish woman who is luring our children into believing stories almost as outrageous and bloodthirsty as our own Lord's inventive scribblings in His first book, the Old Testament -- a Scottish harlot called J. K. Rowling. Who is the More Inventive Writer: God or J. K. Rowling? Compare their books and decide for yourself! CLICK HERE |
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You heard it here first: The Christianity account is up for grabs! With Harry Potter, witchcraft has become Coke to our Pepsi when it comes to brand name, consumer-oriented superstitions. Read my essay "Harry Potter: Did Satan Hire a Better Ad Agency Than God?" Jesus, take me now! |
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From the Southern Baptist Convention Archives: Landover Baptist was one of the first Christian organizations to seize upon "Harry Potter" as a fabulous vehicle for enflaming the easily annoyed and, thereby, increasing tithes. Back in 1999, Landover Baptist was using these best sellers to provoke the paranoid to burn books and write checks: Jesus, Take Me Now! |
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Let's face it: The one thing Christmas will not have enough of this year is SHOPPING! To fill this lamentable void, I have opened "Betty Bowers Christmas Shoppe." No longer do you have to search for the perfect gift, worried that a Middle-Eastern male will sneak up behind you and slit your throat - or, worse, get the last of your size on sale! Now, you can shop on-line for fabulous Betty Bowers' Christmas stockings, tree ornaments (which double as earrings for you gals in New Jersey!), Christmas teddy bears, Christmas mugs and t-shirts. |
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For my truly cheap Brothers-and-Sisters-in-Christ, you can download free Christmas cards and Christmas gift tags by going to these pages: Landover Baptist Christmas Card
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And remember if you have neither taste nor money - well, even if you're not a Pentecostal! -- and are stumped for Christmas gift ideas, you can always browse at Marge Davis "Let A Howdy To My Store - Change Your Dowdy Décor!" Interiors |
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In closing, I want to wish all of you a very safe and happy holidays! Be careful and be loved. So close to Jesus, His Christmas Shopping is Ruining my Credit! Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian A woman known throughout Christendom for her joie d'après vivre
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"What Would Betty Do?" A Spiritual Survival Guide Succeeding at the Expense of Others in this World – and the Next! Coming March 2002 from Simon & Schuster |
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