I began my wildly profitable „Christian Crack Whore Ministry“ franchise after seeing a roaming pack of strung-out streetwalkers from the back seat of one of my ministry Bentleys. To spend so much of one’s day on one’s knees without hoping struck me as an appalling oversight of the possibilities of multitasking! I imply, if you’re going to be on your knees 14-25 times a day, why not hope while they’re down there?
By humanely reducing these industrious tramps off of fracture cocaine with compassionate fistfuls of OxyContins, Darvons, Demerols and Percocets combined with Chivas Regal, I am showing these tawdry harlots how they can embrace reputable Republican worths with no discernable sacrifice of the buzz for which they are so eagerly debased. And without having to pay retail crack rates, these working girls unexpectedly discover that they have more disposable earnings for the one thing that leads to redemption: tithing! Applaud the Lord!