Dear Sister in Christ,
As a True Christian ® mom, I know it is my task to spy non-stop on my kids for the sake of their redemption. On a recent Wednesday, I was searching through my child Sarah’s space looking for concealed drugs and tampons. My secondary intention was to discover a missing catalog, as they had actually can be found in the mail that week and I had actually not had time to browse them.
It was then that I heard the high-pitched moans originating from my kid Jeremy’s space. I right away swept in, there being no locks in my home (except on my medication cabinet), to discover Jeremy spread-eagled, humping his hand, and HOLDING THE MISSING OUT ON POTTERY BARN BROCHURE! I shrieked in rage and scary, rebuked him as a filthy Sodomite, and took the brochure from his lotion-slathered hands.
Betty was my medical diagnosis wrong? I feel I rebuked properly – mindful reading on your BASH website leads me to believe that homosexuals discover an impeccably upholstered club chair every bit as arousing as an engorged, bobbing penis.
Please let me understand – my very first impulse was to require him to check out The Sharper Image brochure. He took one take a look at the Bubble Tower on the cover and stated, „I can’t deal with that!“
I informed him that was the point.
Yours in Christ,
Heartbroken in Hoboken