Betty: First, I need to applaud you for a bold choice in Bush v. Gore, dear. I was so concerned that your capability to state our prospect president by judicial fiat might be fettered by the law– or some such other irritating obstacle to GOP rule.
Antonin: And let a fag-loving, baby-killer Democrat in the White House? Betty, you understand me much better than that! (laughs).
Betty: Oh, I know it was embarrassingly naïve of me to think your own rhetoric about so-called „state’s rights“ might need you to allow those tedious people in Florida to really count their ridiculous votes.
Antonin: As if. One call from James Baker and I put a stop to that hazardous vote-counting nonsense pronto.
Betty: Applaud! And you and the Chief Justice made a wonderfully artistic viewpoint that informed those people in Florida: „You can do another recount, but you can’t do another recount.“ It was nearly as if Lewis Carroll had composed it. I adored it.
Antonin: That was the beauty of it. We told them they didn’t have time to do any recounts.
Betty: However only after you had actually held them up twice, which made sure they wouldn’t have time.
Antonin: You observed that, huh? (laughs).
Betty: And I also discovered that when you sent out the first case back to Florida, you coyly didn’t even mention this so-called „equivalent security“ rubbish. In fact, you offered those Demon-cratic fools the impression that it could be ruled on as a matter of Florida law.
Antonin: We completely blindsided them! (laughs).
Betty: Truly, you are doing the Lord’s work! It was masterful.
Antonin: They fell right into it. And if they had translucented that trap, I had plenty of other new Constitutional arguments to test-drive. Hell, we were ready to withdraw the 14th Amendment as a fallback position– just because Sandy O’Connor wanted to see the search Jesse Jackson’s face! (laughs).
Betty: Oh, you naughty young boy! (laughs).
Antonin: Well, it’s sort of tough to have your political desires blocked by the law when you are the damned law! (laughs) Besides, it’s the least I can do after Bush got me on this court and his kid stated all those nice aspects of me on the campaign trail. It’s not like I do not read the paper. (laughs).
Betty: Really, this is a fantastic example of great Christian good manners being paid back a thousand-fold. It’s like I constantly inform the women at Bringing Integrity To Christian Homemakers: „Take some time to state something positive about someone unpleasant in front of a live camera and, well, one day they may repay you with something that costs a great deal of cash!“.
Antonin: In this case, the presidency! (laughs).
Betty: Now, I don’t usually rely on Hellbound Catholics such as you for details, but tell me, entre nous, what went on behind closed doors in crafting this gloriously partisan decision?
Antonin: Well, Rehnquist wishes to retire, however he can’t till there is a Republican president to replace him with a Republican justice. So rigging it for Bush was no-brainer for Bill.
Betty: Knowing Costs as I do, I knew he wasn’t going to mean all those uppity colored individuals complaining about their so-called „right to vote.“.
Antonin: True story (link)– Rehnquist got his start in Arizona keeping colored people from voting for Democrats. With a fist– if necessary! So this decision fit like a glove.
Betty: I believe the expression he utilized over mixed drinks was „fits like a nice set of brass knuckles!“ (laughs) Now, speaking of colored individuals, I knew we could, obviously, depend on Whatshisname.
Antonin: Uncle Thomas?
Betty: Yes, that’s the one. He never ever says anything from the bench so I forgot his name.
Antonin: Let’s admit it; he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawers–.
Betty: Oh, dear. Yes, I ignored that Anita Hill harlot.
Antonin: Anyhow, so the less he says the smarter we look.
Betty: Besides, it resembles having two votes, so who’s complaining? This latest choice simply highlights the Supreme Court’s support of Household Worths. I am, obviously, speaking of assistance for your own families. For example, Whatshisname’s spouse–.
Antonin: Ginny-Tonic Thomas?
Betty: Yes. She’s white isn’t she?
Antonin: Well, do not inform him he’s not, Betty! (laughs).
Betty: She works for Heritage Foundation, which is busy assisting the Bush administration with conservative consultations for our brand-new GOP administration.
Antonin: Well, that’s just it. If we voted for Gore– ur, I indicate not to reverse the Florida Court, it may impact their ability to get that beach place they want.
Betty: And then there is your child–.
Antonin: Yes, he works for the lawfirm that represented George Bush in the event that was before us. It’s Christmas; he’s up for a year-end reward. So I’m not about to make my boy look bad at work! (laughs).
Betty: Well, especially since the only factor he got the task is because of your position on the Supreme Court. Now, truly, that is the type of „judicial activism“ that would make any child proud. My preferred part of the choice was on page 2 of the concurring viewpoint: „Obviously, in normal cases, the distribution of powers among the branches of a State’s federal government raises no questions of federal constitutional law, based on the requirement that the federal government be Republican in character.“.
Antonin: I wrote that!
Betty: I felt in one’s bones it. I love that the unwritten law is now– formally– that we just should have a government that is Republican!
Antonin: Hey, least I can do.
Betty: I just don’t know how to thank you.
Antonin: Oh, I do. Advise W next time you see him about the Chief Justice position when Costs retires.
Betty: I’ll compose a note to his mom Bar as soon as I leave the courthouse. He does anything his mother tells him! Well, as long as she doesn’t fuss about drug, drinking while driving, underage enthusiasts having abortions, business failures, military desertion, working more than 3 hours a day or mistresses.