Dear Brothers and Sis In This Godly Crusaude to Make Everybody Much Like Us:
Last month, over 12,000 degenerates desperate for respectability and comfy domestic shoes joined the ranks of my ex-gay ministry Baptists Are Conserving Homosexuals, CELEBRATION. To this date, tens of celebration alumni have actually ended up being so de-sissified that they are really able to appear at public functions without belittling lights or saying „please“ as a multi-syllabic word. One even has specified where he ultimately thinks about Jesus‘ mom when somebody whispers the word „Madonna.“ Applaud the Lord!
Now that we have gotten a toe-hold by transforming 27 of the reputed 12,000,000 gay guys in this previously-godly country, it is time to turn our attention to those poorly-groomed Lesbians.
It is only natural that we did not hurry to treat Lesbos, as even God has actually never ever paid much attention to them (just try to find a reference to their demonic bedroom antics in the Old Testament!). But the reality that God (common male) might not mind nubile women romping naked together, doesn’t suggest that we who are a lot more Christ-like than God needs to endure it any longer!
Celebration presents its brand-new
Ex-Gay Ministry for Lesbians:
Womanhood Saves All Unladylike Dykes
And the wonderful thing about Womanhood Saves All Unladylike Dykes is that Lezzies are a lot easier to cure than Homosexuals!
This is since the music and styles at their celebrations are not almost too developed as they are at gay-boy soirees, so Lesbians are not really quiting nearly as much by converting! Let’s face it, a day without free-verse odes to your vulva, low-cost five-minute hairstyles and Wrangler ready-wear is not sacrificing much for everlasting redemption in a gender-appropriate clothing. Applaud the Lord!
How easy is it to renounce a life of lesbianism with Womanhood Rescues All Unladylike Dykes?
For all but the most severe cases (that is, if your name doesn’t happen to be „k. d.“ and you have never ever gone to an all-women naked camping/poetry mountain weekends or really own your own pool-cue), we can treat you of being a big old dyke right here on this webpage.
Through the power of Jesus and the wonder of HTML coding, Mrs. Betty Bowers has designed an approach of on-screen reparative treatment to immediately turn revolting lesbians into more socially appropriate homemakers who just drink long-neck beers and curse like sailors in frumpy gowns.
Are you brave enough to be treated?
Have you been called by Jesus to state „Yes, I will wear a more elegant heel!“?
If so, ask the Holy Spirit to move you to move your mouse over the „Womanhood Rescues All Unladylike Dykes“ below (after reading the cautions and disclaimers) and you will be quickly treated of Lesbianism!
Applaud the Lord!