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rebuiltHow to tell if you are living in a Red or Blue...

How to tell if you are living in a Red or Blue State

Dear Fellow GOPer:

The party that so gloriously brought this country the fantastic Red Scare of the 1950s, in a bit of an about-face, has now made the godly throughout America frightened they are not a Red. State, that is. With this in mind, I have drafted this helpful list as a quick reference to figure out if you are residing in among those demon-infested Blue States– or Jesusland!

Blue States: Home of great schools
Red States: Homeskooled great

Blue States: Want a huge camping tent for their Celebration.
Red States: Wears a huge camping tent to her party.

Blue States: Favor electric cars
Red States: Favor electric chairs

Blue States: Worried about ballooning deficits‘ impact on capital markets turning gains into thin air
Red States: Worried about whether it’s devils that make balloons drift in thin air

Blue States: Dream of making sufficient cash to kite and swim with Czechs in Biarritz
Red States: Imagine kiting adequate checks to swim in Schlitz

Blue States: Favor institutionalized healthcare for the poor
Red States: Favor institutionalising the bad

Blue States: After the 9/11 attacks, put caskets in the ground
Red States: After the 9/11 attacks, put magnetic flags on the cars and truck

Blue States: Forget that God did not provide Adam a Steve
Red States: Forget that not only did God provide Abraham three wives, He provided Solomon 300 courtesans

Blue States: Massive cities that function as the engines of human development
Red States: Massive Hummers that act as the engines for Arab oil

Blue States: Provide the „tax“ part of „tax and invest“
Red States: Supply the „invest in a brand-new 8-lane highway to link a Wal-Mart to the Olive Garden“
part of „tax and spend“

Blue States: Think we’re all bros and sisters under the skin.
Red States: Don’t mind if we’re bros and sis under the sheets.

Blue States: Combating to tidy up skid row
Red States: Battling to tidy up skid marks

Blue States:9/ 11 survivors mourned at night as the television coverage showed those eliminated
Red States: Grieved television coverage of 9/11 that killed that night’s „Survivor“ program

Blue States: Worried about worldwide warming
Red States: Do not like to travel and are too fat to suit an airline company seat anyhow, so delighted to hear that the tropics are pertaining to Texas. Yee-haw!

Blue States: Follow Jesus, but does not believe in Him
Red States: Believe in Jesus, but doesn’t follow Him

Blue States: Wish to repeal the Patriot Act
Red States: Want to rescind the Emancipation Proclamation

Blue States: Trying to find a method to weaken China every day
Red States: Sold everyday china for a weekend of meth

Blue States: Favor preparing frustrating laws on attack rifles
Red States: Attack annoying in-laws with rifles after being prepared

Blue States: Want the right for everybody to worship as they choose
Red States: Desire the right to choose everyone’s worship

Blue States: Champion females wrestling with the right to select
Red States: Choose females’s battling championships

Blue States: Desire a rational energy policy
Red States: Want policy of energetic irrationalism

Blue States: Used advantages to assist victims on account of attacks
Red States: Used attacks to benefit Toby Keith’s bank account

Blue States: Seen pals in New York die in foxy attacks on America
Red States: Assault New York on Fox for not being good friends of America

Blue States: Believe God likes us and offered everyone free will to be different
Red States: Believe God willed us to freely hate everyone various

Blue States: Believe lack makes the heart grow fonder
Red States: Believe abstinence conserves the tart from plunder

Blue States: Believe in Mr. Darwin’s theory of „Development“.
Red States: Believe in Mr. Jesus‘ „Talking Snake“ theory.

Blue States: Slave to pay estate tax.
Red States: Acquired servants.

Blue States: Buy art.
Red States: Collect Beanie Children.

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