New Age „Jesus is Love“ Trademark Greeting Card Christians make the real Jesus grab His Vicodin! Now, you can let them know how irritating their Disneyfied Jesus is to the wrathful God illustrated in the Bible. Send them an automated, head-spinning rebuke: the E-buke! Simply push a button and Betty & Jesus do the rest!
You can send out an E-buke from this page letting someone understand they are a Phony Christian– or CLICK HERE to send an E-buke to let somebody understand that Landover Baptist Redemption Assessment Committee has figured out that they are going straight to Hell. Really, being self-righteous has never ever been so easy. Splendor!
What ever occurred to the effective and wrathful God of the Bible? I have actually looked for Him, but a cuddly, weepy wimp of an imposter– the Oprah Jesus– has changed Him. Obviously, an upset, judgmental God was „screening negative“ in an America that prefers to act on its valued self-confidence with neither judgment nor effect. After all, what location does the concept of adultery have in a country that has exchanged the immorality of the act of unfaithful with the victimhood of the „disease“ of sex addiction?
A a century earlier, if you succumbed to immorality, you provoked God’s anger. Now, you just hurt His easily bruised feelings. New Age „Jesus is Love“ Trademark Greeting Card Christians run around speaking about a God who never ever asks the bothersome. Instead, He’s taken to crying while saying „I love you so much“ like your worst codependent headache.
You see, through the resourcefulness of American marketing (and our singular resourcefulness for making everything all about us), God has unexpectedly become helplessly consumed with His love for us, as if He spent the past years having His power and morality bludgeoned out of Him by perpetual level of sensitivity training and anger management. So, if you do something wicked, instead of calling you into account and sending you to Hell, He meekly kicks back and cries like a drunken drama queen enjoying „Terms of Endearment.“ With a languid, resigned flip of His lustrous dark-ash blonde hair, Jesus just, and timidly, dabs his Nordic blue eyes and views you drown your kids and set fire to your trailer, hoping you will navigate to caring Him so He can give you all the neat stuff you want in the Hereafter!
Well, the REAL Jesus and I are definitely sick of these lying apostates who have welcomed their New Age brand of Pain-free Christianity. Honestly, they make Jesus vomit. And I have called upon the Chairman of the Landover Baptist Salvation Assessment Committee, Sibling Harry Hardwick, a Scriptural Scholar, True Christian and male who rather ravaging submits a dark, custom-tailored fit, to help these fake-Christians to decline their Oprah Jesus and return on a sound Biblical footing of believing in a God who will torture them at the drop of a hat.
I am hiring all Real Christians to assist! If you know a „Jesus is Love“ Fake Christian, you can send them the letter that Brother Harry Hardwick has written to wake them up to the rage and anger of the genuine God– the one in the Bible! With your help, I feel a success beginning! Praise!
Click on this link to send out a personalize rebuke. If you don’t wind up saving the recepient, at least you will let them know just how much more incredible your own beliefs are, dear!
“ You Make Jesus Vomit“ tee shirts make a lovely and thoughtful Christmas present! CLICK ON THIS LINK
Here is what your automated E-buke will say:
M E M O R A N D U M.
From: Pastor Harry Hardwick, Chairman of the Landover Baptist committee for figuring out Real Christians from folks who just state they are „Christians,“ but are actually unsaved trash who make Jesus vomit.
To: [The name of the person you are sending the e-buke to]
Re: Your Staus as a Phony „God is Love“ Christian.
Dear [Their Call], Unsaved Phony Christian Garbage:.
It has actually been determined conclusively by our committee that you are the kind of pseudo-Christian who goes around making a fool of both yourself and the Lord by spouting the saccharine, bothersome lie „God is Love.“ There are no appeals from this righteous judgment.
We delight in informing you that, contrary to your sissified view of things, the Bible isn’t a tiny pamphlet with nothing more than namby-pamby verses that make the Lord Jesus seem like some bounding homosexual flower designer blowing air-kisses to everyone who can be found in His overly-fragranced course.
There are a lot of verses in the Bible that reveal what Jesus prepares to do to individuals like you who disregard 99% of His Word in favor of emphasizing the two or 3 verses that, when taken totally out of context, create a soft, cuddly Jesus that more shows your childish need for an imaginary good friend right out of a Disney animation than it does the genuine Jesus who shall sit on the White Throne of Judgment of the Bible!
The genuine Jesus authorized of His Daddy’s command that children who curse their moms and dads be put to death (Matthew 15:3 -4). In fact, Jesus chastised the Pharisees for failing to eliminate children who defied their parents‘ wishes (Mark 7:9 -13). Jesus told us we are to live our lives in utter worry of God for God has the power not just to kill us but likewise to torture us permanently in Hell (Luke 12:5).
Jesus informed His disciples to bring previously Him any guy who didn’t believe in Him and to strongly massacre that guy while Jesus viewed (Luke 19:27). Jesus eliminated one male by having his body eaten by a swarm of worms since the man failed to offer Jesus His due (Acts 12:23). Jesus struck a Jew blind for thwarting His mentors (Acts 13:8 -11). Jesus struck a male dead for failing to listen well (Luke 1:20). Jesus took the lives of a couple by terrifying them to death for not forking over all of the cash they made on a real estate transaction (Acts 5:1 -10). Jesus had such a hot temper, not only was he wont to flip over merchants‘ tables (Matthew 21:12), He even eliminated a fig tree for stopping working to bear fruit although figs weren’t in season (Mark 11:12 -14).
Obviously, Jesus knew He didn’t have enough time to torture every sinner while He was alive, so He guaranteed to do far more after He passed. Jesus said that, come Judgment Day, sinners will be gathered together and hurled into a furnace of fire where there will be uncontrollable wailing and gnashing of teeth (Matthew 13:41 -42, 50). Whole cities of individuals who do not believe in Him will suffer a fate even worse than that of Sodom and Gomorra (Mark 6:11). Jesus stated that God will take vengeance on nonbelievers by burning them „in flaming fire“ (2 Thessalonians 1:7 -9). The Lord will produce horse-like locusts with human heads, women’s hair, lion’s teeth and scorpion’s tails that will sting and cause savage pain on sinners for 5 months (Discovery 9:7 -10).
After God sends fires, plagues and monsters God to Earth, the world will be covered in unburied dead bodies decomposing everywhere while excellent Christians will „rejoice over them and make merry, and shall send out presents to one another“ (Discovery 11:5 -10). Meanwhile, the smoke of the burning, rotting bodies will ascend and afflict the Earth forever (Discovery 14:10 -11). And the odor will draw in scavenger birds that will feast upon „the dinner of the fantastic God“ (Discovery 19:17 -18).
Jesus will send out an earthquake to kill 7,000 people (Discovery 11:13). He will cause physical sores, turn the seas and rivers to blood, scorch everybody with fire, cause individuals to consume their own tongues. Oh, and He’ll cause horrendous storms, too (Discovery 16:1 -21).
Now, what was it you said about genuine love? In the United States, if you took part in the acts Jesus assured to do, you would find yourself in prison for the rest of your life. Contrary to the way you view Him, Jesus was no sissy! He does not relax meekly crying over sinners not worshiping Him enough– He eliminates them. And then abuses them for good procedure!
So, counterfeit Christian, continue disregarding all the parts of the New Testimony you do not like, and acquire the little nancy-boy verses you choose. However remember that the single page of the Bible you like to price estimate will incinerate in less than a second when your sorry ass is hurled into the heating system of an everlasting Hell!
Praying those who choose which parts of the Bible to quote are the very first plunged into the intense abyss,.
Bro Harry Hardwick.
Chairman, Landover Baptist Salvation Evalution Subcommittee.
