In Christian rectitude, self-anointing Attorney general of the United States John Ashcroft is doing his part to rid America of one of the Lord’s more careless ideas– nakedness. When viewing a current video of an interview held in the lobby of the Justice Building, Mr. Ashcroft nearly imperceptivity shuddered when he observed the uncloaked breast of the Majesty of Justice statue behind him hovering in disconcerting proximity to his lush lips. Mr. Ashcroft was so tense by this unchaste flashing of the impudent, attention-seeking 12-foot harlot behind him, that pricey curtains have been bought to shield the American public her shamelessness.
“ As a Republican politician, I do not have much persistence for so-called „Art“– unless it’s somebody singing Bridge Over Troubled Water,“ — Mr. John Ashcroft.
Mr. Ashcroft has announced the development of the new GOP civic task-force PRUDES: Patriotic Republicans Unctuously Dressing Erotic Statues. To begin PRUDES‘ effort to bring decency back to America, Mr. Ashcroft announced plans for a brand-new, more modest Statue of Liberty. At an expense of $8,900,600, the lady with the lantern, will quickly sport a higher, buttoned collar – so as not to provide licentious prospective immigrants an unchaste come-on. She will likewise shed her edgy punk surged headdress for a captivating mink pillbox hat with Jesus-fish hatpin– and her clingy and all-too-revealing oxidized toga will been changed by a durable calico frock, finished with a crisp, copper ruffled apron.
The Department of Justice provided 655 pages of codified regulations to museums throughout the world, instructing them on what steps will be essential in order for them to bring their exhibitions into PRUDES compliance. At right is a rendering provided to the Louvre offering concepts about how to address the „Venus di Milo problem.“ „Everybody speak about her having no arms,“ remarked Mr. Ashcroft, „however the important things that ticks me off is that she doesn’t have a bra either. Those Taliban folks had the ideal idea when they stuck dynamite under offensive statues. I have actually given the French 3 weeks to tidy up their act.“
Reacting to the news that PRUDES has ordered 477 alabaster, marble, and canvas fig leaves for the National Gallery and burlap sacks to cover all statues at Rockefeller Center, Mrs. Betty Bowers stated: „Praise the Lord Jesus on the cross! It is about time someone began getting rid of the FDR-Demoncratic porn that liters our once-righteous nation. It is due time we changed all licentious Greek nakedness with Christian crafts – like lovely silk flower plans in reproduction butter churns! Glory!“
